Ito Lord...

Bale, kanina... nagsisigawan po sila Mam Ynna regarding sa nakawan issue kasi yung susi sa labas ng bahay ay something. Naisip ko naman, wala naman sila sa squaters area para manakawan. Hayz ~ They're inside a compound, but still I guess kailangan parin nilang magprotect.

Hirap ng buhay may asawa Lord.. haha Masaya siguro, pero mahirap... Buti na lang Lord, ikaw, anjan ka..

Lord... hmm, kanina pala nagmention si Sir Derek na may dadating na editor, yung dating OJT. Hmmm, minention sakin ni Sir Derek na iuuwi ko na lang daw yung mga album, etc.

At then, I had the feeling na tatanggalin na naman ako ni Sir Derek sa work.

Will you change me Lord? Will you help me love my 9-6 work, despite na 400 pesos kada araw, without benefits yung natatanggap ko?

I have this entitlement feeling?? Dahil graduate kasi ako??

Tingin ko mas lugi naman yung UP graduate na magwowork kay Sir Derek kasi walang benefits.

Kung pwede nga lang magcomplain eh no? Kaya sa inyo ko ng Lord sinasabi...

Kung iisipin, nahuhurt talaga ako Lord regarding sa compensation. It is so baba.
Sobrang sakit.


I think I need to invest on skills God, kaso I don't know how...
Isa lang ang alam kong way, and that is to read...

Dear God...

Ito na naman po ako... nagtatype.. hehe... Alalahanin niyo po sana Lord, na habang nagtatype po ako, may dala po akong hinanakit. Siguro hormones lang to Lord... pero naiiyak talaga ako eh. hehe

I know Father that you have a good will over my life.

Kanina Lord, pinili kong umuwi...kasi pagod na ako galing sa pagproproctor. Pero alam niyo Lord, pinili ko pong bumalik sa office... kasi alam kong kailangan ako ni Sir Derek, tsaka alam kong gusto niyo yun

Lord..

I am contemplating right now. Thinking about stuff...

Most likely God, related po siya sa career. Hmmm, I don't know. I don't know what to do.

Kapag yung nanay ko yung nagoopen ng trabaho, lagi siyang bad shot sakin. Ayaw ko lang talagang mag Makati eh. Super galit pa siya.. Ang traffic, kapagod, etc. Pwede bang doon na lang ako tumira?

Nababanas din po ko sa boss ko Sir. I mean, financially...

Hindi ako makacomplain kasi I mean...  

First Entry of 2016

Hi God!

I just realized that I really miss you. Mas captured talaga ng typing yung thoughts ko kaysa sa pagsusulat. Mas mabilis kasi akong magtype eh.

Anyways God, I feel drifting.
Sabi ko nga po kanina, I don't know where else to go to Lord. I don't know. Baka hormones lang to... cause I am feeling sad and sensitive. Don't all women go to like that? Hehe....

Alam niyo Lord... I really miss you. I really miss talking to you. Narealize ko na naipagpalit ko po yung time na kausapin kayo, kasi sa gabi.. puro pagtetext yung ginagawa ko.

Kagabi lang ulit Lord.. may nag I love you na naman sakin.

Kapag probinsyano talaga, parang ang daling mahulog...

Hehehe...


I feel emotionally unstable. Hindi ko po alam yung direction ko Lord. Hindi ko po alam kung anong gagawin.. hehe

Hello po Lord!

Fresh from Palawan

Hello God!

Kamusta po :)

Andito po ako ngayon sa office....
mas feel ko pong magsulat, kaso alam ko pong mas madami naman akong maisusulat kapag nagtype po ako.

I am feeling and understanding death Lord..

I don't know why, pero ngayon lang po siya ulit nagsisink in.

God, I really don't know...
but I feel so sad.

The purity ng mga tao, their sincerity sa Panlaitan... ay kakaiba,
na walang ibang tao kundi yung mga nakasama ko lang ang makakaintindi.

Sorry Lord kung nagtytype po ako ngayon sa office ko, mas mabilis po kasi to. Hehehe...

Kagabi po pala, nagkita kami ni Joseph Allan...
pero mas bagay sa kanya yung Mark Allan Joseph.. o Mark Joseph Allan... bwahahaha...


Ayun Lord... I am feeling sad.
Kung kalooban niyo po sana Lord, sana makabalik po ako ng Palawan next year.

Pero nagegets ko po na baka ayun na din yung last ko.
Kaya naiiyak na lang ako..

Tumulo na po yung luha ko,
kasi namimiss ko yung mga tao sa Panlaitan. At hindi ko po kaya to...

Kung pwede po sana Lord, umiyak muna ako saglit....

Makasama at makalangoy ulit.


Pero mas masakit yung mga bagay bagay para kay One... na mawalay sa pamilya niya, na nasa Palawan. Mas masakit yun para sa mama ni Pogi... hehe..

Iba ang buhay sa Palawan. Ang simple...
at gusto ko yung buhay doon.

Basta kapag may ginagawa, gusto ko..

Kagabi po pala, pumunta kami sa lamay ng lolo ni Ate Ange...
and guess what Lord,

yung pinapagawa niyo pong lotus andoon,
kasama yung mga bulaklak na ginawa ng mga bata.


Kailangan kong magprint ng mga pictures nito.
hehe..

Masarap magmissions.
Sobrang sarap...


Sorry Lord kung biased ako, pero parang mas mahal ko yung mga bata sa Panlaitan..kasi ang warm at ang mamature nila.

hehe..

Si Jay po tumawag,
pati si Paolo.. :3

Grabe si One... ang daming tinatawagan! Halos lahat ng kaibigan niya... wagas!

Pero Lord, more than that...
gusto ko Lord na ikaw pa din yung pinaka close ko.
Ikaw pa din Lord, yung Lord over all..

Ikaw pa din God
kahit na mawalay ako.. ikaw pa din.

Gusto ko Lord na gawin yung papagawa mo, kahit mahirap,
basta ikaw God ang sandalan ko.

Pinakilala mo sakin kanina kung sino ka,
at ikaw ang gumawa ng mundo. Ang ganda ng mundong ito.
Di ko matigilan ang luha sa opisina.
Sana hindi po makita ng boss ko.

Hehe...

Love you Lord!

Salamat po sa Verse na binigay niyo..
Salamat sa mga taong ginamit niyo para matouch yung buhay ko.

Grabe lang po God..

kailangan ko talagang maginvest na sa mga pictures. hehehe

Feb.

Lord...

my heart is desiring for more of you now. It is yearning to seek You. To long for You. To find You. To ask for questions, for advice, for stuff going around, etc.

I don't know where to start.
I usually don't correct entries.
I just want to write down thoughts...

thoughts that flow like a river,
eliminating the need of a pen, na sobrang bagal kumuha ng nilalaman ng isipan.

Napa tagalog ako. (Can't put it in english)

God...
I need You.
I need you in my life.
I need you day and night.
It's different without you.

You are not just a mindset.
For I have experienced You.

Many things have been going on.

One thing for sure.. is that you know what it is going around in my life.
Pardon me Lord kung puro situation ko yung halos iniintindi ko,
pero kasi...
kailangan ko po ng kausap.
Hindi magandang kausap yung sarili ko....

kundi Kayo.
I don't know.
Walang nangyayari kapag kausap ko sarili ko... at least,


What are the things that are on my mind?

1) Reflection sa work:

Questions lingering like:

- God... bakit wala pa po akong work?
I must admit, nakaramdam po ako ng inadequacy.

Pero kasi... nakatanggap ako ng text kahapon kay Alyssa. Ang sabi...
parang "You might be just protecting me".

I honestly don't know about Your purpose God. Lyk... #medyoconfused

Ayun.

What I know... is that...

I need to give. I need to return back.

Tithes and offerings... mahalaga yun... yet Lord, 2 linggo na kong hindi pa nakakapagtithes and offerings.

I have 20 Canadian dollars with me.... a gift from Tita Te... pero parang Kayo na din yung nagpadala.
Just like how Abraham willingly offered Isaac to you...
Lord, kahit wala na po akong money...
I'll give it.

Medyo mababa po pala yung canadian dollar ngayon...
but that's alright.
As long as makakapagbigay ako... then boom.

Hindi na po surprise yung giving.. pero ayun. Naisip ko, na sa YC ko ibibigay... haha.. para maexperience ko yung tithing.

How is the condition of my heart Lord? Is it beating for you?
I notice, na kapag nagkakahormones po ako... dun po ako prone na kausapin kayo heartily.


I remember the times Lord na hindi ko po kayo narerepresent ng maayos.
It hurts. It pains.

Lord... you may see lately that I don't talk much about You with people... and somehow, nakikita ko po kasi na before I talk, I should walk.

Somehow, aminado po ako na kulang yun. I really do.

God... I personally want to be accepted dun sa may Balintawak, EDSA... but...
if it's much better, then, I am willing to go sa Ortigas. Just align my desires dun po sa gusto mo.
Praying for an interview ASAP :D hehehe


BTW... I was on twitter Lord... and saw Ptr. Mari Kaimo's posts... and read one of them, about an Imam..

Well anyways, a while ago...
I had a dream.

It was something like... I did something wrong... na magaan lang naman..

Outside, Ptr. Dan Balais saw me... and parang
like nagalit siya. Pinuntahan ko siya... and was like crying/repenting...

I was followed by Ptr. Mari Kaimo...

And something like "Bakit mo ginawa yun?" yung tanong niya.
My reply was something "Because I want to win him"..

Tapos, naparealize siya... ahhhh... bakit hindi mo sinabi kagad?

It was much more clearer Lord nung kagigising ko lang. I don't know if this is my imagination,
but a fight within the churches?? W/in the body of Christ? Not really sure. Ayun lang po yung naisip ko.


Before I wake up in the morning... I also had a dream.
Can't tell more about it... but
there was a group of people... sitting in chairs. And then, there was one person in front... telling something.

I honestly got the chills in the middle, so I hurriedly went outside. At meron po akong naiwan. I think it was a devotional notebook, and another important thing.

When I was able to get outside, there's this parang artista friend... someone like Julia Montes ang itsura... pero hindi. Christian eh... (not that I'm saying na hindi Christian si JM)... pero she was delighted to see me nung nasa labas na. Meron din siyang naiwan sa loob... Bible, devo.. and meron pa ata.

There I find a group of people... mga before 20s to early 20s..
They were like building a bomb or something... anti-cult.

The next thing I knew... was parang tapos na yung meeting.. .and then, nasa bahay (not sure kung sa bahay naganap yung meeting) Nagsisialisan na yung mga tao.
I think I was able to get some of my stuff...


but one thing for sure Lord is that...

pinaexperience Niyo po to:


1 - Cult
2 - Church

Both happened in dreams.
I honestly say that there was fear in me Lord. It was like, hindi ko naisip si Jesus...
Tunay yung naramdaman ko.

Church
Made me feel crying... repenting... and I don't actually remember what I did..

ayun po... so now,
I am reading an articles about Mari Kaimo's timeline... and saw an article
related to spiritual warfare and missions.

Speaking of that, kahapon ko lang po nalaman, Jan 31, na uuwi daw po pala si Prophet Sadhu sa April 1-4. I am kinda sad Lord na hindi ko po matatapos. Honestly..
Kasi sa April 2, aalis na po kami papuntang Palawan.

Sabi ko pa nga nung una, susunod ako sa Palawan... April 5. Hehe..
Kasi, kailangan ko talagang matapos yung conference na yun.

Kaso, naisip ko... magiging mahirap yun, kasi susunduin pa ako. Dagdag bayad :/


Shy Lord... tignan Niyo!

Second message like this ~

The first one was from Alyssa.. nabasa ko yun ng gabi, naglalakad po ako sa Narra.

I never saw it that way Lord... pero, useful.

Is this the answer to my question?

Kaya hindi pa po ako nagkakawork... is to protect me?

Was it really Lord na ministry talaga yung gagawin ko? Bakit parang hindi supportive yung family??

I am indeed aware of the verse na binigay niyo po sakin... dun sa Ecclesiastes... na sobrang saya ko ;)0


Sooo... thank you Lord... kasi nung hiningi ko kay Alyssa yung quotation... ang galing, kasi nagreply siya kagad :D :D

"When our plans are hindered, we shouldn't assume that it's satan trying to stop us. It might be God trying to protect us.

(Julie Ackerman Link)

Same thought.. iba lang ang pagkakasulat.


ONE WORD:

amazing

Copy that! One thing is that... nakita ko yung expectation ng tao na dapat, sa lagay ko ngayon...

may work na ko.

Nacoconvince na tuloy ako.. .na gusto niyo talaga akong gumawa ng gawain niyo.

I'll just read this post... wait lang po God ha.

Just thought of Manny Pacquiao.

He lives in Mindanao.

He has power there... You can use him Lord...

to win the Muslims.

As I was reading... I saw this beautiful and encouraging verse:

Do not be terrified by them, for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a great and awesome God.

Deuteronomy 7:21

It is God that causes the growth.

Lord, how should I treat beggars? Ang hirap po eh..

Lord... 

1.  The protection afforded by faith comes not when we trust our faith, but when we trust God who is absolutely trustworthy and able to protect us.

God... inaantok na po ako. Hehe.. 


Medyo namimitig po yung paa ko.. Please be the source of my strength. In Jesus Name.